Overcoming Social Anxiety

Life Progression

by admin on November 2, 2011 in Law of attraction, overcoming social anxiety with No comments

I find it really interesting how as humans we grow up from being fun loving little creatures that worry about nothing into these ‘mature’ adults with all this stress and burden in our lives. What the hell happened? ha!

Society’s rules and standards are imposed on us as we get older and slowly they take over our lives until we don’t know what to believe any more. It’s like most of us live on autopilot fed by the media and other people’s judgemental opinions of us all. It’s like imprisonment without visible bars.

Can you relate to this?

Now I’d like to propose an idea here. A concept of sorts.

What if our main sole purpose for living in this physical plane was to experience joy and bliss in every living moment? What if our souls only entered our bodies when we were born in the knowledge that great times were ahead?

Would that explain why many of us feel sad and depressed now that we’ve found ourselves in this situation of not having all this fun that we thought we would have? It’s like a false promise.

Well my theory is that how we are as children is how we should be always. We should be easily pleased. We should want to bounce and jump on the bed. We should find a frisbee fascinating!

We were created how we were MEANT to be. As in before society changed us all into robots we had that sense of adventure and playfulness which was NATURAL in all of us. But that slowly faded throughout the years of social conditioning, and now we have things like social anxiety as a result… Did you have social anxiety when you were tiny?

Everyone goes through the teenage rebellious years. Science calls it hormones. What if that’s merely us just putting up one final battle against becoming all grown up and non-fun all the time?

I pose a lot of questions here, for your musings and consideration. I’d love to know what you thought of this idea. Please enlighten me in the comments section below!

3 Tips on how to have Conversations

by admin on May 29, 2011 in overcoming social anxiety, Plans of action with No comments

I know it can be hard to know what to say sometimes. That’s partly what causes your anxiety. Anxiety is basically fear, and mostly we fear the unknown. Therefore Social Anxiety – to simplify on a grand scale – is fearing the unknown about social situations. (I know there’s more to it than that, but this describes it pretty well I think…)

So I thought I’d give you 3 handy dandy ol’ tips to help you know how to have conversations with people. Hopefully might get rid of some of that fear of the unknown for ya

1. Listen

People LOVE to talk about themselves and what they’re interested in. Think about it, lets say for example you’re really interested in computer games, if someone asked you about what your favourite part off your favourite computer game is then you would have no problems talking for a good 10 minutes or more about the fun bits, the scary bits and the awesome bits of that game. Same goes for any interest.

So if you genuinely listen to what the other person is saying you may not even have to say much to have a conversation with them! Sounds crazy I know. They’ll appreciate having someone to listen to them too. So practice listening attentively. More often than not you will find through listening what to say next.

2. Find out what interests the other person

This follows on from the first point. If you can find out what really interests the person you’re talking to, all you need to do is ask them thought provoking questions about what they’re interested in. They’ll take it from there.

You could take this one step further. For instance, you might have arranged to meet someone in real life that you’ve met on the internet. Possibly through Facebook or some dating site. Look at their profile and find out what they’re interested in the night before you meet them. For instance they might be really into Metallica, so find out loads about Metallica. Then bring up a couple of those facts you learnt the night before when you’re with them and they’ll be amazed that you know about something they’re interested in! They’ll like you more and it’ll create rapport. From that the conversation will naturally evolve and they’ll probably ask about what interests you, and I bet you could talk for hours about what you’re interested in!

3. If in doubt, a quirky joke will sort it out

It might not be a bad idea to have a couple of silly jokes rolled up your sleeve for any occurrences where there’s a silence that needs filling. All you have to do is proclaim “Would you like to hear a silly joke?”, 98% of the time they’ll say “Go on then!”, then you tell the joke. This will do two things when you tell it:

Introduce humour, which everyone loves, also creating a positive association between you and humour with the other person.
Breaks the ice and invites in possibly half an hour or more of laughter and the other person saying “that was really funny! hey I know a joke too, wanna hear it?”

It’s important to just have fun with it and most importantly, smile and enjoy the conversation. It’s inevitable that you will still feel a bit anxious, but the only way you will get over the fear of the unknown is to know. If you know then there is no unknown. What I mean by this is get out there more and experience social situations. It will desensitise you to it and just by doing that alone you will overcome a massive part of your social anxiety. I know this because that’s what I did, and it worked like a champ!

My advice for you now is go out and use this! Don’t get stuck in the rut of learning and not doing. Because it’s through doing that we get better at things.

Let me know what tips you have discovered on how to have good conversations in the comment section below

Otherwise, have a great day and a better tomorrow!
Glenn

Technorati Tags: conversations, how to talk to strangers, listening skills, telling jokes

Changing your beliefs and visualisation

by admin on May 14, 2011 in Law of attraction, overcoming social anxiety with No comments

Hey, ya know, I’m an authority on overcoming social anxiety because, well, I’ve done it! And I study stuff all the time which helps me even more, and I’d like to share one of those things which has helped me in the past (actually it still helps me today!)

So I’m really happy because I just came across this amazing video with Tony Robbins, I’ve already watched it quite a few months back (several times in fact!) and I was delighted to stumble across it again! It’s strange how now I watch it again and I understand it more…

The theme of the video is about why people don’t follow through with their best intentions. It’s largely geared towards money making but Tony Robbins explains broad strategies which can be applied to any part of your life, this includes overcoming social anxiety.

Here’s the link: http://training.tonyrobbins.com/355/interview-with-frank-kern-and-john-reese-2/

I want to just let you know how I think you can apply the lessons learnt in this video towards your anxiety… and by the way, the stuff I talk about below really relies on you having watched the video otherwise you won’t know what I’m talking about!

Tony talks about the 4 steps that affect our outcome – Potential, Action, Results, Beliefs – this applies to everything in your life! (let’s acronym that for future reference to PARB)

Lets consider PARB in relation to social anxiety. Firstly if you’re socially anxious you usually don’t envision yourself having too much confidence in a social environment and therefore that affects your beliefs. With that, your beliefs limit you and cause you to not feel much potential in your ability to generally be cool and at ease out and about, right?

Let me break it down further.

You fear what others will think. That plays in your mind like a record over and over. What you’re actually doing is visualising in your head what you don’t want to happen. That visualisation affects your beliefs and therefore your potential. So you might think “I can’t go out because I’m scared that people won’t like me and might attack me because of something I’ve done”. So how does that affect your actions? Well chances are you act by avoiding going out. Or if you do go out, you try to not come into contact with anybody for fear of them mocking you. So how does that action affect your results? You feel more socially anxious. It’s a vicious cycle. And you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Here’s the bit where I turn it around for you

It all starts at results. You can CHOOSE to visualise different results in your head. Flush out all thoughts on fearing what others think about you and instead think about being a pillar of strength. Indestructible, unresponsive to other’s thoughts no matter how bad. In fact you visualise how much people like you, and smile at you. Visualise walking down a crowded town/city street and feeling brave and confident with a radiant smile on your face. See everyone looking like they’re happy to see you! Do this in your mind repeatedly.

Now what does that do to your beliefs? It makes you feel like you believe in yourself a bit more, right? So your Potential expands, you think “Hey, ya know what? I think today I stand a pretty good chance that I’ll feel happier out and about”. So when you go to take action – when you go out – your results will be different, more often than not your results will be better. You wont feel as fearful.

It’s an interesting strategy right? Try it. Apply it. You’ve really got to take action to make things better.

And with that, I wish you a good day and a better tomorrow!

Your host, Glenn

Change your beliefs!

by admin on May 9, 2011 in Law of attraction, overcoming social anxiety with 2 Comments

Our belief systems control us, they alter every aspect of our life. They change the way we think and how we act. If we control our belief systems then we control our lives and therefore our destiny.

For many people social anxiety can just be a limiting belief about something. It could be the belief that you can’t talk to people in social situations or you cant be in a social place because they make you anxious for one reason or another. Perhaps you fear rejection from others. Whatever the reason may be, we can change our beliefs by re-framing them.

How do we re-frame our beliefs though?

There are many ways.

One way is to ask yourself “if I hold this belief continuously how will it effect me in 10 years time?”.

Or another way is where you reconsider within your self “what do other people ACTUALLY think REALISTICALLY of me in this certain circumstance?”.

I think anyone can change their belief systems given the right methods and motivation.

Can you think of a time now when you’ve believed something to be true but then something happened that proved that belief to be wrong and your new belief changes how you see a particular part of your life?

Consider this. Most people believe that man cannot fly by himself. What if one day you saw a man levitate 3 feet off the ground by no means of intervention… would your beliefs change about man not being able to fly? You might be in a state of disbelief for a while but after seeing it several times you would believe it. It takes something shocking to change and re-frame a belief. You need to create that shocking thing to change your beliefs, and realise it over and over again.

Here’s an exercise you can do to help change your belief system.

1) Write down what it is that makes you socially anxious.

2) Try simplify and generalise and then write down the core belief which is making you anxious. Phrase it to sound like “I can’t do _____ because _____”. E.g. “I CAN’T mingle in social gatherings BECAUSE I’m afraid people won’t like me”. Just write out whatever rings true for you.

3) Now change that around. Write the same belief(or beliefs) out but now change the “can’t” to a “can” and write the opposite of whatever you wrote after the ‘because’. For example: “I CAN mingle in social gatherings BECAUSE people will most probably like me a lot for who I am”.

4) Now once you’ve made your list of a few of these negative beliefs you have but reversed, keep them somewhere handy and read them everyday, and really feel it.

What is happening here? Well we are doing a basic re-framing exercise where we take a limiting belief and turn it on its head. You can do this with anything. The powerful part is the repetition. Reading it every day. By reading it everyday it will start to change your thought processes and therefore your reality over time.

We are defined by what we do every day.

What are your thoughts? Tried this and gotten results? I’d love to hear about them! Just comment below.

Technorati Tags: belief systems, law of attraction, overcoming social anxiety

Self Confidence, is it really that hard?

by admin on January 14, 2011 in overcoming social anxiety with No comments

Although many of the factors affecting self confidence are beyond our control, it is not a valid reason for you to give up, there are so many self confidence techniques out there you just need to find the ones that work for you. Recalling your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum are good confidence boosting. You will be amazed at how much you have going for you and it will motivate you to take that next step towards a better you.

Self confidence is all about how you look and feel about yourself and not allowing what other people think of you to affect you; you should only care about what you think of yourself. Self confidence really helps with many different aspects of your life. A lot of the times, the lack of self confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it’s emotional validation, good luck, money, love etc.

Learn to do anything to reach that goal and you will see how that inner feeling of self confidence comes to you. Learning how to live in the wilderness of life will build confidence in other areas of your life too. What I am trying to get at here is being out in the world will help build self confidence, shying away from the world will just deepen the despair.

Building of self confidence is different from person to person. I find exercise one of the best ways to clear the mind and stop the over thinking that causes lack of confidences. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day. Doing exercise every day helps to build a better self-view of yourself and in turn will boost your confidences.

The first step towards good self confidences is to start accepting yourself for who you are and not to worry about what others think of you. Self confidence and self esteem are very closely linked, that is why a large amount of the time our confidence is based on our emotions and how we feel about ourselves rather than how confident we are. Building your self-esteem and self confidence is the single most important part of your entire well-being.

If you learn anything from this article please let it be this. Self confidence is about being yourself; you should not compare yourself to anyone else. You alone determine how you live your life not someone else’s view of you. Stop the over thinking and start the doing today, trust me my friend that confidence is closer than you think.

Technorati Tags: overcoming social anxiety

Over thinking Situations

by admin on September 25, 2010 in overcoming social anxiety with 2 Comments

You wont ever truly get anywhere in life being socially anxious. A major element of it can be boiled down to over thinking any situation you find yourself in.

For instance, you could be in a bar standing there with a few of your friends. It’s common for socially anxious people to find comfort in being with their closest friends, so this scene isn’t overly out of the ordinary. Next thing is you see the girl of your dreams (or guy!) standing on the other side of the room. Shes beautiful, everything about her you like the look of. You’d love to get to know her, but whats that? Theres something holding you back – Social anxiety! You’re thinking “what if she slaps me for saying hello? what if she laughs at me? what if she doesn’t like my face” or “what if – god forbid- her boy friend beats me up?!?!”

Well why over think the situation? Whats the point? In reality if you were to approach her she would probably just be polite and make conversation with you for a while. Hell, you might even manage to get her number and become friends with her! How would you know if you didn’t try?

OK lets take a different kind of scenario - sky diving. So there are many myths surrounding sky diving and you’ll probably use them as reasons to not do it; You might die, your chute might not open, the plane might fall out the sky. Blah blah blah. DO IT! Why not? Just stop over thinking! Chances are just about the same thing will happen that always happens: you free fall, your chute opens, you land, you have a GREAT time, and on the ground you feel like a right clumsy so-and-so for over thinking the situation! Hell you’d probably want to go up again! So this might not relate to social anxiety, but it illustrates a valuable point in being overly apprehensive and anxious and how it really is silly when you think about it.

So can you imagine how much more fun you would get out of life if you just stopped over thinking the situation? It would be amazing!

Have you thought about how you can make it easier to get these thoughts out of your head though? It might not seem easy at the start, but you have to learn the methods if you want to succeed.

So try this:

I call it the Dr. Pepper theory. When you’re in a situation where you find yourself over thinking things and becoming anxious, ask yourself “what’s the worst that could happen?” This obviously will mean you have to think more about the situation, but this time in a more realistic manner. Then after you have formed your conclusions you’ll invariably find that you over-thought it and really the worst thing that could happen really wouldn’t effect you much at all. Therefore disproving your original thoughts that prevented you from doing what it was you wanted to do in the first place.

Another method is to again think, but this time think of the possibilities if this goes right. Think of the life you would lead if you had the girl, if you did the skydiving jump, if you bought the car, went for the job interview, asked someone out. Think of it. Would life really be much different if you actually did get rejected? How much would that really make you feel bad about yourself?

It’s a good exercise to pick yourself back up anyway. Failure is not something to fear. In fact most, if not all, extremely successful people in this world failed many times before they succeeded. It’s how you engineer the winners mind-set. Therefore failure is something you need to experience in order to become a better person.

I’ll leave you with a famous quote:

“I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” – Thomas Edison

Technorati Tags: overcoming social anxiety, Over thinking Situations, social anxiety treatment, socially anxious

Making a start

by admin on September 11, 2010 in overcoming social anxiety with No comments

The first and most crucial aspect to overcoming social anxiety is to completely acknowledge that you have social anxiety. It’s no good denying it. Once you accept it you can then start to do something about it. Many people have social anxiety, it’s not an uncommon problem, in fact about 13.3% of the general population may meet criteria for social anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. So you’re really not alone, but where do you begin with turning everything around?

You start by believing in yourself, never tell yourself that you can’t overcome it. Even the greatest voyages and most epic journeys start with a single step in the right direction.

There are many types of self help you can use, such as self hypnosis, subliminal recording sand self help coaches to name just a few. If anything you should consider yourself lucky to live in this age because there is an abundance of help just waiting for you to discover. It is very possible to change the person you are with the vast array of help available today. And the beauty is most of it is available confidentially on the Internet, just in case you ever feel self conscious about buying self help material because of others thinking it’s a bit “hocus pocus”!

A good method to aid overcoming social anxiety is to tell yourself that the situation you’re currently in is not as important as your mind is making it out to be. The chances are that this is in fact the case. Social anxiety often blows everything out of proportion in your mind so telling yourself that it isn’t really that bad is actually closer to reality than you think. At first it will feel strange pretending like this, but the old saying – “fake it till you make it” – has never been so true.

An old friend of mine had a very bad case of social anxiety to the point where she couldn’t even step out of her house. I often wondered why this was so. I first thought it was because she didn’t want to meet up with me but I later found out it was because of an uncontrollable feeling inside her that made her unable to deal with social situations. Social anxiety is just that, anxiety of social situations and if you don’t feel happy in your body or you’re not happy with your looks it doesn’t matter how many people reassure you – you won’t believe it because of the nagging voice in your head telling you that everyone is better than you.

You must really stop comparing yourself to others though. Why? Because you are probably better in many ways than most people. You have many reasons to be proud of yourself. A good place to start is to think of all the things you have accomplished in your life and then just revel in them. Imagine them in your mind, cast your mind back and learn from those experiences. Maybe remember a time when you were most confident or most happy. Then learn what it was that made you so happy. Then ask yourself was it ok to be happy or confident? If so why? So then why can’t you be more happy and confident in yourself now?

Maybe there’s been a turning point in your past that knocked your confidence. An occurrence where maybe you were bullied or someone told you that nobody cares about you. Why should you let little things like that bug you and ruin your enjoyment of life? What gave them permission to spoil things for you? You should feel happy in your own body and know safe in the knowledge that you have what it takes to be a happy and confident person and to make others happy by your presence.

If you start on this path of recovery then your relationships will start to flourish, your bank account balance will grow, and your life will become complete if you just take control now.

So seek the learning materials, go to the seminars, get your thirst on for self development material and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take charge of your life.

You just need to start. And in the words of Tony Robbins: take massive action!

Technorati Tags: overcoming social anxiety, self help material, self hypnosis

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